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Title: The Greater Hell Safety First Committee
Fandom: 鬼灯の冷徹 | Hoozuki no Reitetsu
Rating: T
Summary: At the personal request of Lord Hoozuki, Hell's hottest idol duo, Maki-Miki, are asked to star in a public service campaign promoting health and safety in the workplace. With all of the possible accidents that can befall a Hell minion -- tripping over discarded entrails, slipping on spilled blood, cutting oneself on an improperly sharpened glaive -- it's difficult to know where to begin. Thankfully, Hoozuki is willing to provide on-the-spot guidance himself to ensure that the campaign gets off the ground smoothly...for the most part.
Notes: Written for![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
Starrie_Wolf for Parallels 2019. Additional notes are at the end. (Also on AO3.)
The Greater Hell Safety First Committee
For all of the countless hours that Peach Maki had poured into her career as a Hell idol, the one thing that she hadn't quite figured out was what exactly she was supposed to do in planning meetings for promotional campaigns. Smile and look cute and perky, of course, but it was never easy to know the extent to which she should actively contribute to discussions about branding or market research or messaging. All of these meetings mostly amounted to the same thing -- some too-hot conference room that reeked of stale coffee and brimstone, a huge table crowded on either side with identical minions taking illegible notes, while the big bosses pretended to consider multiple options and then went with the one they'd decided to run with two weeks before. No one actually wanted to know the talent's opinion on the product or its promotion. But if she just sat there the whole time with a vacant smile on her face as she assembled the week's grocery list in her head, inevitably someone would turn to her and ask what do you think of the idea, Maki-san? and then she'd end up flapping her lips with vapid nonsense like well, er...I suppose...that is, it depends... until she could recall the last piece of non-business-gibberish she'd heard. Cute and perky only got you so far in those situations.
Admittedly, this time around the planning meeting hadn't started off by falling into those familiar grooves. Then again, it wasn't just for any old promotional campaign, either. Rather than shilling for deep-discount cup noodles or the latest brand of facial tissues, the Maki-Miki idol duo had been invited to be the faces of a true public service campaign -- a Hell-wide workplace health and safety drive, approved by the Great Lord Enma himself.
And what's more, their agent had told them, gushing with delight, your participation in this campaign was specifically requested by the Great Lord Enma's chief of staff, Hoozuki-sama! The entire talent agency was overjoyed to have such an important (read: lucrative) piece of work for them. Even if it wasn't the most exciting topic, it had a lot of weight behind it. For any ambitious Hell idol, the chance to be a part of this safety promotion was a plum assignment: civic-minded and yet shamelessly aggrandizing at the same time.
For a rising duo like Maki-Miki, it could be a make-or-break moment in their careers.
No pressure at all, really. None.
At least they weren't the only celebrities in the room. A Greater Hell Safety First Committee had been appointed to manage the campaign, and the committee chair was the undoubtedly photogenic Lord Minamoto no Yoshitsune of the Crow-Tengu Police. (In Maki's opinion, it was a little odd that Hell's resident pretty boy police chief wasn't going to be the star of this particular campaign, though maybe he was tired of having his own face plastered all over banners that reminded the denizens of Hell that it was inconsiderate to litter.) But naturally, the real driving force of the Greater Hell Safety First Committee was none other than Lord Hoozuki...who was currently sitting to the right of Lord Yoshitsune and directly across the table from Maki, and who had been studying both her and Miki with coldly appraising eyes from the moment they'd all sat down.
Cute and perky, cute and perky... Maki told herself, though there was no chance that Lord Hoozuki would believe it for a second. Thankfully, at that moment Lord Yoshitsune chose to open the meeting, so she could focus on him instead of the senior demon across from her.
Lord Yoshitsune, short as he was, was somewhat dwarfed by the bulk of the room's conference table. Nonetheless, he raised himself up on his toes as far as his sandals would permit, and opened the discussion with ease. 'We would like to thank Maki-san and Miki-san for agreeing to participate in our campaign,' he declared, inclining his head to the two of them with old Heian court formality. 'With the popularity of your "Hell Minion for a Day" photo series, we are certain that you will bring an equal measure of charm and grace to our efforts in this matter.'
Cute and perky, Maki. You can do this! 'Thank you very much for your consideration!' she said, trying not to squirm under Hoozuki's cold-fish stare.
Beside her, Miki chimed in. 'We appreciate this exciting opportu-nyaa-ty!'
Lord Yoshitsune had the good manners to not look fazed by Miki's characteristic reply. 'As you are all aware,' he continued, looking up and down the table to take in all those present, 'the Greater Hell Safety First Committee is launching this campaign to promote heightened workplace safety awareness among Hell employees. It will show common mistakes made on the job site and present examples of proper, corrected procedures. The most obvious indicator of a successful campaign will naturally be a decline in reported workplace accidents and incidents among Hell employees, regardless of occupation, length of service, or supervisory status.'
All around the table, the committee's other attendees were nodding in agreement. Apart from Lord Hoozuki and Lord Yoshitsune, Maki didn't recognise any of them, but about half of them had the bland professional look of top administrators and career Hell employees, and the other half had the slightly flashier professional look of a marketing team.
'Our primary audience for the campaign is those who work in general chastisement in the Greater and Lesser Hells, up to and including active torture.' The calm way Lord Yoshitsune described it made Miki want to grimace, but that wouldn't work with cute and perky, so she kept her eyes on him. 'Because of the particularly stringent operating conditions for demons who work in Aviici, we do not intend to extend the campaign to those employees at this time, but based on the public response to our initial efforts we may investigate further opportunities in that line. Does that meet with your approval, Hoozuki-sama?' he added, looking over at Lord Hoozuki.
Hoozuki nodded. 'Aviici is always a special case,' he said. 'I will need to have a separate meeting with the supervisors there to determine a way forward for any proposed employee safety campaign. We will settle that matter at a later date.'
'Very well.' Lord Yoshitsune made a small gesture with one hand, and two of the flashier looking attendees got up from the table and went over to one of a pair of large easels that had been set up at the far end of the room. Both easels were covered with thick black cloth, concealing the presentation materials, though the one on the right seemed to be much longer and taller than the one on the left. Storyboards? Mock-ups, maybe? But again, no one had asked for the talent's opinion yet, so there was no point in anticipating things.
'The main message of the campaign,' Lord Yoshitsune continued, 'is that consideration for one's fellow employees is the cornerstone of health and safety. This will be the theme for the first wave of messaging, presented on a series of six posters to be displayed in all Lesser Hells, tied in with a broader announcement intended for display in the Greater Hells. Our overarching message for the posters, which we have developed based on preliminary research, will be as follows.'
He waved to the marketing minions, who flipped back the heavy cloth covering the easel on the right to reveal a white card printed with large black characters that read:
DEATH IS INEVITABLE, WORKPLACE ACCIDENTS ARE PREVENTABLE!
Thankfully, the murmurs of interest and approval that spread throughout the room were just barely loud enough to cover up the choked-off squawks that both Maki and Miki let out. Thinking fast and in unison, they grabbed the cups of lukewarm green tea that some underpaid trainee had poured for them at the start of the meeting and pretended to sip them, just to avoid having someone ask them if everything was all right.
('We have to promote that?' Miki whispered, behind her cup. 'That's super weird-nyaa.'
'At least it's not discount noodles again,' Maki muttered back to her. 'Just go with it.')
As they replaced their teacups on the table and fixed their smiles back in place, Lord Hoozuki spoke up. 'This particular slogan will be the primary messaging on all campaign materials, correct?'
'Yes, that's right,' said Lord Yoshitsune.
'Interesting.' From his tone of voice and expression, it was hard to know if it was a good interesting or a bad interesting, but Lord Hoozuki merely nodded. 'Please, continue.'
'As mentioned, from this broader message, we will create posters that focus on six specific aspects of workplace safety. Based on the research that the marketing team has collected, we believe that the following slogans will have the most widespread appeal to our target audience.' Lord Yoshitsune gestured to the marketing minions again. 'Jisha-san, please show the second card.'
One of the two marketing minions -- evidently Jisha-san, a nervous-looking younger male demon with triple horns on his head and a formal robe that seemed a little short in the sleeves -- lifted the top card and set it down at the base of the easel, revealing another white card with six slogans printed on it in slightly smaller bold characters.
Don't Blunt Your Torturing Talents With Dull Tools!
Keep Workspaces Tidy -- Eviscerate With Care
Good Bloodshed Practices Prevent Slips, Trips, and Falls
Cauldron Too Heavy? Don't Lift It Alone!
Hot or Cold, Your Protective Gear Matters
Even In The Afterlife, There's Always Time For Safety!
By the time she finished reading the text, Maki felt vaguely lightheaded from the effort of holding back her hysterical giggles. This was the campaign they'd be expected to star in? Hell Minion for a Day was one thing, but she was beginning to wish that their agent hadn't been quite so enthusiastic when the assistant from Great Lord Enma's court had called the agency to ask about Maki-Miki's potential availability.
Discount cup noodles seemed strangely appealing all of a sudden.
The other of the two marketing minions at the easel -- the one who wasn't Jisha-san; an older, taller female demon whose trendy new eyeglasses probably cost more than her junior's entire wardrobe -- spoke up unexpectedly, startling Maki out of her thoughts. 'Yoshitsune-sama, if I may?'
Lord Yoshitsune blinked. 'What is it, Kourou-san?'
'Sir, it may be easier to gauge the general impact of the slogans if we show them alongside our preliminary concept sketches for the posters.' Kourou-san nodded to the still-concealed easel on the right. 'We were informed of the likelihood that Maki-sama and Miki-sama would be kind enough to star in the campaign, and so our design team produced a series of concept pieces for your review and approval.'
'Yes, that may be best,' Lord Yoshitsune said, after a moment's consideration. 'It would help to have a visual aid.'
As Kourou-san went over the second easel, Maki braced herself for the reveal.
The first poster sketch was a tableau, with two female figures engaged in their work around a third figure dressed in the white funeral robes of the deceased. There were few background details, but some enterprising graphic designer had done an equally graphic job on the depiction of the sinner, from the sickening angle of his lolling head to the knotwork on the ropes that held him strung up off the ground, hanging spread-eagled by his wrists. And of the two female figures in the poster, one was cheerfully engaged in the act of slicing open the deceased's belly, gutting the unfortunate soul in a single smooth motion -- while the second figure, positioned nearby, was busy raking up what appeared to be a massive tangle of entrails, moving it away from her coworker's feet. The appropriate slogan, blazoned across the top and bottom of the poster in red-outlined black characters so big that they would probably be visible from Shangri-La, read:
KEEP WORKSPACES TIDY
EVISCERATE WITH CARE
Below that, in smaller but still legible characters, was the identifier:
(A public service announcement from the Greater Hell Safety First Committee.)
The murmurings of approval from those around the table were definitely louder this time. Maki could feel a pulse beating in her temple. Beside her, Miki let out a faint nyaa of despair.
'Of course,' Kourou-san said, adjusting her glasses with the tip of one finger, 'these designs are only concepts. They're made to give a feeling of what the final product will embody.'
Maki couldn't keep it in any longer. 'Are we really going to have to rake up someone's actual guts?' she blurted out.
Dead silence, as everyone turned to look at her and Miki. No hope of hiding anything behind a teacup now.
Kourou-san was the first to regain her professional footing. 'If that is a concern for you, Maki-sama,' she said, with only the faintest hint of a patronising smile, 'one of the production teams we've used in our previous campaigns has been able to do some wonderful work with simulated entrails. They're virtually indistinguishable from the real thing.'
Before Maki could thank her unexpected saviour, however, Lord Hoozuki interjected. 'Perhaps,' he said, 'but I feel that the authentic touch is what we are aiming for here. Too often these days, you hear mortals complaining about how everything in advertising is fake and computer-generated.' He steepled his fingertips, tapping them together. 'Would it not be best, for the purposes of impressing the importance of safety, if those who saw the posters could feel confident that all of the associated viscera were genuine?'
It took all of Maki's inner fortitude to keep from slithering down in her chair to sink under the table. Her distress was not lost on Kourou-san, who adjusted her glasses again and pressed her case.
'If I may suggest, Hoozuki-sama, I think it would be best if we plan to use simulated entrails to start, and then see how the initial photoshoot progresses.' She tapped the sketch, where the second female figure was up to her ankles in internal organs. 'Under hot lights and over the course of repeated takes, properly organic material such as real intestines might degrade too quickly, and before long they would be too -- '
'Mushy?' Miki piped up, trying to be helpful. Maki managed to refrain from kicking her in the shin.
' -- I was going to say disheveled, Miki-sama, but mushy also would be an adequate description.' Kourou-san bowed a little to her, then turned back to Lord Hoozuki. 'But of course, m'lord, Jisha-kun and I will take any advice and guidance you may have into consideration when preparing the final concepts.'
'A sensible approach,' Lord Hoozuki said, as if his objection had been merely a passing fancy. 'I will reserve further questions until we have seen the remaining concept sketches.'
As Kourou-san smiled and gestured to Jisha-san to produce the next sketch, Maki bit down on the inside of her cheek and clasped her hands in front of her on the table to keep from clenching them into fists. One down, five more to go. Smile and look cute and perky, damn it!
If she and Miki managed to make it through this meeting of the Greater Hell Safety First Committee, maybe disemboweling someone on camera wouldn't be so difficult after all.
Maybe they could get some practice in by disemboweling their agent first.
Notes
I was torn between the need to finish this fic for the deadline and to flesh out every single one of the poster concepts that Maki and Miki would have to sit through, but rather than belabour the point, I think the story stands well enough on its own. (I'm sure that readers can come up with even more disconcerting mental images for the kinds of posters that the idol duo would have to pose for to get this campaign off the ground.)
Also, because it wouldn't be a Hoozuki no Reitetsu story without obscure Japanese references, I named the two marketing minions with very specific puns on workplace accident prevention. Jisha is named for JISHA, the Japan Industrial Safety and Health Association (中央労働災害防止協会; Chuuou-roudousaigai-boushi-kyōkai). Kourou, his superior, is based on the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare (厚生労働省; Kousei-roudou-shou -- usually abbreviated as Kourou-shou), the Japanese government agency that oversees workplace health and safety. So they're both in a perfect position to oversee this campaign. (I suspect that Kourou is not afraid to politely go toe to toe with Hoozuki when it comes to the structure of the campaign, even when the rest of her team is willing to give the client whatever he says.)
Many thanks to Starrie_Wolf for requesting this delightful canon for Parallels!
Return to the Master List
Fandom: 鬼灯の冷徹 | Hoozuki no Reitetsu
Rating: T
Summary: At the personal request of Lord Hoozuki, Hell's hottest idol duo, Maki-Miki, are asked to star in a public service campaign promoting health and safety in the workplace. With all of the possible accidents that can befall a Hell minion -- tripping over discarded entrails, slipping on spilled blood, cutting oneself on an improperly sharpened glaive -- it's difficult to know where to begin. Thankfully, Hoozuki is willing to provide on-the-spot guidance himself to ensure that the campaign gets off the ground smoothly...for the most part.
Notes: Written for
The Greater Hell Safety First Committee
For all of the countless hours that Peach Maki had poured into her career as a Hell idol, the one thing that she hadn't quite figured out was what exactly she was supposed to do in planning meetings for promotional campaigns. Smile and look cute and perky, of course, but it was never easy to know the extent to which she should actively contribute to discussions about branding or market research or messaging. All of these meetings mostly amounted to the same thing -- some too-hot conference room that reeked of stale coffee and brimstone, a huge table crowded on either side with identical minions taking illegible notes, while the big bosses pretended to consider multiple options and then went with the one they'd decided to run with two weeks before. No one actually wanted to know the talent's opinion on the product or its promotion. But if she just sat there the whole time with a vacant smile on her face as she assembled the week's grocery list in her head, inevitably someone would turn to her and ask what do you think of the idea, Maki-san? and then she'd end up flapping her lips with vapid nonsense like well, er...I suppose...that is, it depends... until she could recall the last piece of non-business-gibberish she'd heard. Cute and perky only got you so far in those situations.
Admittedly, this time around the planning meeting hadn't started off by falling into those familiar grooves. Then again, it wasn't just for any old promotional campaign, either. Rather than shilling for deep-discount cup noodles or the latest brand of facial tissues, the Maki-Miki idol duo had been invited to be the faces of a true public service campaign -- a Hell-wide workplace health and safety drive, approved by the Great Lord Enma himself.
And what's more, their agent had told them, gushing with delight, your participation in this campaign was specifically requested by the Great Lord Enma's chief of staff, Hoozuki-sama! The entire talent agency was overjoyed to have such an important (read: lucrative) piece of work for them. Even if it wasn't the most exciting topic, it had a lot of weight behind it. For any ambitious Hell idol, the chance to be a part of this safety promotion was a plum assignment: civic-minded and yet shamelessly aggrandizing at the same time.
For a rising duo like Maki-Miki, it could be a make-or-break moment in their careers.
No pressure at all, really. None.
At least they weren't the only celebrities in the room. A Greater Hell Safety First Committee had been appointed to manage the campaign, and the committee chair was the undoubtedly photogenic Lord Minamoto no Yoshitsune of the Crow-Tengu Police. (In Maki's opinion, it was a little odd that Hell's resident pretty boy police chief wasn't going to be the star of this particular campaign, though maybe he was tired of having his own face plastered all over banners that reminded the denizens of Hell that it was inconsiderate to litter.) But naturally, the real driving force of the Greater Hell Safety First Committee was none other than Lord Hoozuki...who was currently sitting to the right of Lord Yoshitsune and directly across the table from Maki, and who had been studying both her and Miki with coldly appraising eyes from the moment they'd all sat down.
Cute and perky, cute and perky... Maki told herself, though there was no chance that Lord Hoozuki would believe it for a second. Thankfully, at that moment Lord Yoshitsune chose to open the meeting, so she could focus on him instead of the senior demon across from her.
Lord Yoshitsune, short as he was, was somewhat dwarfed by the bulk of the room's conference table. Nonetheless, he raised himself up on his toes as far as his sandals would permit, and opened the discussion with ease. 'We would like to thank Maki-san and Miki-san for agreeing to participate in our campaign,' he declared, inclining his head to the two of them with old Heian court formality. 'With the popularity of your "Hell Minion for a Day" photo series, we are certain that you will bring an equal measure of charm and grace to our efforts in this matter.'
Cute and perky, Maki. You can do this! 'Thank you very much for your consideration!' she said, trying not to squirm under Hoozuki's cold-fish stare.
Beside her, Miki chimed in. 'We appreciate this exciting opportu-nyaa-ty!'
Lord Yoshitsune had the good manners to not look fazed by Miki's characteristic reply. 'As you are all aware,' he continued, looking up and down the table to take in all those present, 'the Greater Hell Safety First Committee is launching this campaign to promote heightened workplace safety awareness among Hell employees. It will show common mistakes made on the job site and present examples of proper, corrected procedures. The most obvious indicator of a successful campaign will naturally be a decline in reported workplace accidents and incidents among Hell employees, regardless of occupation, length of service, or supervisory status.'
All around the table, the committee's other attendees were nodding in agreement. Apart from Lord Hoozuki and Lord Yoshitsune, Maki didn't recognise any of them, but about half of them had the bland professional look of top administrators and career Hell employees, and the other half had the slightly flashier professional look of a marketing team.
'Our primary audience for the campaign is those who work in general chastisement in the Greater and Lesser Hells, up to and including active torture.' The calm way Lord Yoshitsune described it made Miki want to grimace, but that wouldn't work with cute and perky, so she kept her eyes on him. 'Because of the particularly stringent operating conditions for demons who work in Aviici, we do not intend to extend the campaign to those employees at this time, but based on the public response to our initial efforts we may investigate further opportunities in that line. Does that meet with your approval, Hoozuki-sama?' he added, looking over at Lord Hoozuki.
Hoozuki nodded. 'Aviici is always a special case,' he said. 'I will need to have a separate meeting with the supervisors there to determine a way forward for any proposed employee safety campaign. We will settle that matter at a later date.'
'Very well.' Lord Yoshitsune made a small gesture with one hand, and two of the flashier looking attendees got up from the table and went over to one of a pair of large easels that had been set up at the far end of the room. Both easels were covered with thick black cloth, concealing the presentation materials, though the one on the right seemed to be much longer and taller than the one on the left. Storyboards? Mock-ups, maybe? But again, no one had asked for the talent's opinion yet, so there was no point in anticipating things.
'The main message of the campaign,' Lord Yoshitsune continued, 'is that consideration for one's fellow employees is the cornerstone of health and safety. This will be the theme for the first wave of messaging, presented on a series of six posters to be displayed in all Lesser Hells, tied in with a broader announcement intended for display in the Greater Hells. Our overarching message for the posters, which we have developed based on preliminary research, will be as follows.'
He waved to the marketing minions, who flipped back the heavy cloth covering the easel on the right to reveal a white card printed with large black characters that read:
Thankfully, the murmurs of interest and approval that spread throughout the room were just barely loud enough to cover up the choked-off squawks that both Maki and Miki let out. Thinking fast and in unison, they grabbed the cups of lukewarm green tea that some underpaid trainee had poured for them at the start of the meeting and pretended to sip them, just to avoid having someone ask them if everything was all right.
('We have to promote that?' Miki whispered, behind her cup. 'That's super weird-nyaa.'
'At least it's not discount noodles again,' Maki muttered back to her. 'Just go with it.')
As they replaced their teacups on the table and fixed their smiles back in place, Lord Hoozuki spoke up. 'This particular slogan will be the primary messaging on all campaign materials, correct?'
'Yes, that's right,' said Lord Yoshitsune.
'Interesting.' From his tone of voice and expression, it was hard to know if it was a good interesting or a bad interesting, but Lord Hoozuki merely nodded. 'Please, continue.'
'As mentioned, from this broader message, we will create posters that focus on six specific aspects of workplace safety. Based on the research that the marketing team has collected, we believe that the following slogans will have the most widespread appeal to our target audience.' Lord Yoshitsune gestured to the marketing minions again. 'Jisha-san, please show the second card.'
One of the two marketing minions -- evidently Jisha-san, a nervous-looking younger male demon with triple horns on his head and a formal robe that seemed a little short in the sleeves -- lifted the top card and set it down at the base of the easel, revealing another white card with six slogans printed on it in slightly smaller bold characters.
Don't Blunt Your Torturing Talents With Dull Tools!
Keep Workspaces Tidy -- Eviscerate With Care
Good Bloodshed Practices Prevent Slips, Trips, and Falls
Cauldron Too Heavy? Don't Lift It Alone!
Hot or Cold, Your Protective Gear Matters
Even In The Afterlife, There's Always Time For Safety!
By the time she finished reading the text, Maki felt vaguely lightheaded from the effort of holding back her hysterical giggles. This was the campaign they'd be expected to star in? Hell Minion for a Day was one thing, but she was beginning to wish that their agent hadn't been quite so enthusiastic when the assistant from Great Lord Enma's court had called the agency to ask about Maki-Miki's potential availability.
Discount cup noodles seemed strangely appealing all of a sudden.
The other of the two marketing minions at the easel -- the one who wasn't Jisha-san; an older, taller female demon whose trendy new eyeglasses probably cost more than her junior's entire wardrobe -- spoke up unexpectedly, startling Maki out of her thoughts. 'Yoshitsune-sama, if I may?'
Lord Yoshitsune blinked. 'What is it, Kourou-san?'
'Sir, it may be easier to gauge the general impact of the slogans if we show them alongside our preliminary concept sketches for the posters.' Kourou-san nodded to the still-concealed easel on the right. 'We were informed of the likelihood that Maki-sama and Miki-sama would be kind enough to star in the campaign, and so our design team produced a series of concept pieces for your review and approval.'
'Yes, that may be best,' Lord Yoshitsune said, after a moment's consideration. 'It would help to have a visual aid.'
As Kourou-san went over the second easel, Maki braced herself for the reveal.
The first poster sketch was a tableau, with two female figures engaged in their work around a third figure dressed in the white funeral robes of the deceased. There were few background details, but some enterprising graphic designer had done an equally graphic job on the depiction of the sinner, from the sickening angle of his lolling head to the knotwork on the ropes that held him strung up off the ground, hanging spread-eagled by his wrists. And of the two female figures in the poster, one was cheerfully engaged in the act of slicing open the deceased's belly, gutting the unfortunate soul in a single smooth motion -- while the second figure, positioned nearby, was busy raking up what appeared to be a massive tangle of entrails, moving it away from her coworker's feet. The appropriate slogan, blazoned across the top and bottom of the poster in red-outlined black characters so big that they would probably be visible from Shangri-La, read:
KEEP WORKSPACES TIDY
EVISCERATE WITH CARE
Below that, in smaller but still legible characters, was the identifier:
(A public service announcement from the Greater Hell Safety First Committee.)
The murmurings of approval from those around the table were definitely louder this time. Maki could feel a pulse beating in her temple. Beside her, Miki let out a faint nyaa of despair.
'Of course,' Kourou-san said, adjusting her glasses with the tip of one finger, 'these designs are only concepts. They're made to give a feeling of what the final product will embody.'
Maki couldn't keep it in any longer. 'Are we really going to have to rake up someone's actual guts?' she blurted out.
Dead silence, as everyone turned to look at her and Miki. No hope of hiding anything behind a teacup now.
Kourou-san was the first to regain her professional footing. 'If that is a concern for you, Maki-sama,' she said, with only the faintest hint of a patronising smile, 'one of the production teams we've used in our previous campaigns has been able to do some wonderful work with simulated entrails. They're virtually indistinguishable from the real thing.'
Before Maki could thank her unexpected saviour, however, Lord Hoozuki interjected. 'Perhaps,' he said, 'but I feel that the authentic touch is what we are aiming for here. Too often these days, you hear mortals complaining about how everything in advertising is fake and computer-generated.' He steepled his fingertips, tapping them together. 'Would it not be best, for the purposes of impressing the importance of safety, if those who saw the posters could feel confident that all of the associated viscera were genuine?'
It took all of Maki's inner fortitude to keep from slithering down in her chair to sink under the table. Her distress was not lost on Kourou-san, who adjusted her glasses again and pressed her case.
'If I may suggest, Hoozuki-sama, I think it would be best if we plan to use simulated entrails to start, and then see how the initial photoshoot progresses.' She tapped the sketch, where the second female figure was up to her ankles in internal organs. 'Under hot lights and over the course of repeated takes, properly organic material such as real intestines might degrade too quickly, and before long they would be too -- '
'Mushy?' Miki piped up, trying to be helpful. Maki managed to refrain from kicking her in the shin.
' -- I was going to say disheveled, Miki-sama, but mushy also would be an adequate description.' Kourou-san bowed a little to her, then turned back to Lord Hoozuki. 'But of course, m'lord, Jisha-kun and I will take any advice and guidance you may have into consideration when preparing the final concepts.'
'A sensible approach,' Lord Hoozuki said, as if his objection had been merely a passing fancy. 'I will reserve further questions until we have seen the remaining concept sketches.'
As Kourou-san smiled and gestured to Jisha-san to produce the next sketch, Maki bit down on the inside of her cheek and clasped her hands in front of her on the table to keep from clenching them into fists. One down, five more to go. Smile and look cute and perky, damn it!
If she and Miki managed to make it through this meeting of the Greater Hell Safety First Committee, maybe disemboweling someone on camera wouldn't be so difficult after all.
Maybe they could get some practice in by disemboweling their agent first.
Notes
I was torn between the need to finish this fic for the deadline and to flesh out every single one of the poster concepts that Maki and Miki would have to sit through, but rather than belabour the point, I think the story stands well enough on its own. (I'm sure that readers can come up with even more disconcerting mental images for the kinds of posters that the idol duo would have to pose for to get this campaign off the ground.)
Also, because it wouldn't be a Hoozuki no Reitetsu story without obscure Japanese references, I named the two marketing minions with very specific puns on workplace accident prevention. Jisha is named for JISHA, the Japan Industrial Safety and Health Association (中央労働災害防止協会; Chuuou-roudousaigai-boushi-kyōkai). Kourou, his superior, is based on the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare (厚生労働省; Kousei-roudou-shou -- usually abbreviated as Kourou-shou), the Japanese government agency that oversees workplace health and safety. So they're both in a perfect position to oversee this campaign. (I suspect that Kourou is not afraid to politely go toe to toe with Hoozuki when it comes to the structure of the campaign, even when the rest of her team is willing to give the client whatever he says.)
Many thanks to Starrie_Wolf for requesting this delightful canon for Parallels!
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